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Why does every damn thing about a wedding have to be meaningful?  We have to find The Dress.  Not a pretty dress that looks nice, but The Dress.  As if The Dress defines us to our very core.  We don’t just need invitations, we need Invitations with Meaning that Defines Who We Are As A Couple.  A Signature Drink.  Music that will make our guests nod with understanding and exclaim, “Yes!  That’s totally them!”

WIC tells me that every element of the entire day — from where we wake up to where we get ready (and the slippers I wear while getting ready), the food we serve, the music we listen to, the words we speak, right down to the hat on my head (or not) and the shoes on my feet — must represent some special something about who I am and who we are.

To borrow one of Becca’s favorite phrases, Eff that.

I know that the wedding day is important.  It’s a special day that marks a special moment in our lives, where the commitment we have already made to one another becomes official, and it becomes very very expensive and painful to undo the commitment.  I get it.  I really, really do.  But jeebus.  Does every last little bit of this day have to have some everlasting wink or nod to “who we are.”  Can’t it just be, I don’t know, a napkin that is capable of wiping hands and noses and spills?  Trust me, when you have two kids and a messy mommy in the house, a roll of paper towels has a special importance.

In case you’re wondering, I’ve been thinking about napkins.  What kind, what color, how many, should they say anything, or should they just be napkins, meant to be used and then washed or thrown away.  It pisses me off that I am worrying about napkins.  When I throw a party at our house, I do not care one fig about the napkins.  I buy a pack of 1000 napkins from Costco, and then we’re done with the napkins.  But, for some inexplicable reason, when I start to think, “we will need napkins for the reception,” they suddenly become important in a way that grates on me down to my soul because I am not the kind of person who cares about every last little detail.  At least, I am not that person for any other day or any other party.

Yet, here  I am wondering how to get napkins with a little cable car or Golden Gate bridge and our wedding date printed on them and how to do that within our budget for napkins, which is like $15.  Then I start thinking about matching matchbooks because I have Mad Men on the brain (Mmm.  Jon Hamm).  I realize this is entirely ridiculous.  Nobody wants my effing cutesy cable car napkins.  Nobody I know smokes, and matchbooks are probably a Really Bad Idea for a kid-centric reception.  Balloons, yes.  Matchbooks, no.

So then my brain says, “Oooh.  Balloons.  I wonder if I could get balloons with a cable car printed on them?”

Wedding Brain.  It turns me into an idiot.