Tags

, ,

I’m not particularly good at self-promotion, which is probably why I have settled into a nice little blog with a handful of fabulous commenters and maybe another handful of people who occasionally read, but rarely (if ever) comment, and it suits me just perfectly.

That said, with a bit of prodding from the lovely Becca at A Los Angeles Love, I entered The Thirty Something Bride‘s Photography Contest, and if you like me (even just a little), I would really appreciate your vote(s).  You see, it’s one of those crazy unlimited-vote popularity contests for a full day of photography on our wedding, which was so out of our budget that we had arranged for a brief 4-hour one-shooter package that was still outside of our budget.  But this is going to be probably my last opportunity to get some beautiful photos of my family together.  And given all of the work Bean and Bug (and everyone) has put into our details, I have realized that I really, really, really want a full-production wedding photographer to capture this day and make sure that I have about 400 pictures of mom, let alone us, our details, our ceremony, the kids, the rest of our family and friends…

If I were going to be fair, I might repost the other contestants’ entries, too.  But, um, I really, really want to win because I never win any thing. Ever.  It’s terribly sad, really. (Ahem, I’ve been listening to Bean cry about how life is not fair all weekend.  Some of her pathos might have rubbed off.)

Here’s my entry.  You can vote here, if you feel so inclined.

_________________________________

SARAH & TONY

Before I answer the 10 questions, I thought I would give you a little bit of background about who we are and our wedding first.

We are Sarah and Tony.  Tony and I met in Tucson, Arizona, when I was 14 and he was 17, way back in 1987.  It was love at first sight.  We dated for 1 1/2 years, but parted ways at the end of Tony’s first year of college (the age gap between a 20-year-old man and a not-quite 16-year-old girl is quite a bit larger than a couple of thirtysomethings, it turns out).  He moved to San Francisco, eventually married, moved to San Diego and divorced.  I grew up, moved to Southern California, had two kids, and also divorced.  We bumped into each other on Facebook after Tony’s 20-year high school reunion, where we discovered that somehow with all of that moving and marrying and divorcing, we had ended up about one hour away from each other.  We exchanged emails for a few weeks until we decided to meet during lunch one day.  As soon as I saw him again, we hugged, and I held onto his hand as if he was going to blow away.  About 15 months later, Tony asked me to marry him, and we set about making our wedding plans.

When we decided on our wedding plan, it was a compromise.  I wanted to elope — just the four of us, an officiant, a photographer, maybe my mom, but we also knew that it was important to make sure my kids — “Bean”, who will be 7 this summer, and “Bug”, who is turning 4 — felt included in the plans and also that they saw our marriage as a thing worthy of celebration.  So, we decided to keep our wedding small (we’re inviting about 60 people) and to have the ceremony at a beautiful City Hall so that the wedding would feel like the overgrown elopement we wanted (as it turns out, we’re having a private ceremony inside a marble gallery in City Hall, but not a quick civil ceremony).  To make it easier to keep our wedding small, we decided to have it in San Francisco — far enough away that we would not need to invite coworkers but close enough that travel costs would be fairly minimal for most of our guests.

Will you “abstain” at any point during your engagement?

No.  Just, absolutely, no.  When you lose your Forever Boyfriend and then find him again 22 years and a bad marriage later, there have been too many lost years to bother with abstaining.  From the moment I held his hand on that beach, I planned to spend every night of the rest of my life with him.  I see no reason to pretend otherwise.

WHAT or WHO is your greatest wedding day/wedding planning fear?

I worry that I am not going to feel like a bride, which probably sounds ridiculous, but there it is.  I’m older, this is my second time, I have two kids, we already live together, I bought a blue dress from a department store, and my “flowers” are funky things made with love by my children out of egg cartons, old glass buttons and brooches.  When I started this adventure, I wanted our wedding to be as different as possible from the hotel-ballroom-country-club weddings that Tony and I had when we married the wrong people, which is how I ended up getting very creative with our overall wedding plan and the wedding details.  There are days when I look at the work we’ve done, and I am thrilled and proud.  But at the same time, I worry that those same quirky details are going to detract from the beauty of our day and the “wedding” feeling.  Perhaps it is the voice of my sweet, loving, but ever-so-slightly judgmental mother clucking and saying with a tsk-tsk, “You should just keep it simple.”

Bridal party: “The more the merrier!” or “I don’t need the drama.”

With a small guest list and our City Hall ceremony, we felt it would be awkward to have a team of bridesmaids and groomsmen.  At the same time, when we told my children we are getting married, my daughter immediately asked to be a flower girl and assigned roles to her brother (the ring bearer), and her three young cousins.  As a result, we don’t have a traditional bridal party, but we each have a witness who will sign the license, my brother is officiating, and we have two flower girls, a ring bearer and two miniature ushers.  On the wedding day, I will also be surrounded by women — my mom, my brothers’ wives, and dear friends; they just won’t match.

Describe your wedding vision in three words or less.

In order of importance: (1) Family; (2) Vacation; (3) San Francisco

If you and your fiance won a million dollars TODAY, where is the first place the money would go?

If we had a million dollars, the first thing we would do is pay off the alimony that I pay my ex (yes, you read that right) so that Tony and I would have a truly fresh start.

If you could invite one famous person (alive or dead) to your wedding who would it be and why?

I would invite ee cummings so that he could read a poem for us.  His poems are so heart-wrenching in their profound love and yet also so teasing, sly and sexy.  We had our wedding rings engraved so that my ring reads, “i carry your heart” and Tony’s reads, “i carry it in mine” (yes, I know it’s supposed to read, “i carry it in my heart,” but there were space constraints, you know.)

Wedding day fashion: heels or flats? Why?

I started out looking for flats because Tony is slightly shorter than me, and I did not want to tower over him during our vows, but it didn’t work out that way.  For my birthday, Tony took me to a Bed & Breakfast in a little town called Julian in San Diego County, where I happened upon a pretty, funky pair of heels that had a perfect mix of greens and blues to go with my dark blue dress.  They also had a perfect price tag, and so I left that little store with a pair of unusual low-heeled slides.  I will probably change into a pair of slippers at some point during the reception for comfort.

What is your definition of “marriage?”

I think of marriage as a romantic partnership and the most intimate family.  We fill many roles within our relationship:  lovers, partners, best friend, coparent, sounding board, life raft and sometimes cattle prod.  While many other people can also fill some of these needs, only one person in my life has ever managed to be all of them, and that person is Tony.  A few months ago, a friend of mine asked me to write something about what a wedding means to me, and this is what I had to say: In my mind, except in the strictest legal sense, we already are married.  We live together; we love one another.  He is a wonderful stepfather to my two children, who adore him.  We split up the chores and have our disagreements.   Under these circumstances, what does the wedding mean to me? To me, it is an end to limbo and the beginning of the next phase of my life.  I realize this sounds unromantic, but, you see, I don’t think a wedding is particularly romantic.  Our relationship is romantic.  Romance was our Meet Cute, when a 17-year-old Tony shyly and slyly waited until I was standing alone in an empty hallway to introduce himself to my 14-year-old self.  Romance was our reunion some 22 years later, when we spent four hours sitting on the beach with our foreheads pressed together holding hands, smiling and kissing.  Romance was the proposal, when he sat me down on our rumpled bed and told me that I was all the birthday present he wanted.  Romance was the first time he whispered against my ear (I could feel his smile) how much he loves my children.  But the wedding is about fun, family, and yes, work.  “When is Tony going to be my step-dad?” my daughter asked me the other day. “At the wedding next summer, it will be legal, but he’s already your step-dad,” I told her.  “But not for real,” she told me. “Not until the wedding.”  As usually happens when Bean and I talk, her plain wisdom struck me as infinitely true.  The wedding, then, is when our family becomes Real in that same way that the Velveteen Rabbit became Real.  Our marriage, though, it began as soon as we gave ourselves into each other’s safe keeping.

How many carats (yes, we [meaning me, Carissa had no part in this!] are encouraging rock-envy)?

I’m not entirely certain, maybe 3/4? maybe 1?  It’s big enough to sparkle for me without being uncomfortably showy.  My ring is an antique art deco ring from the 1920′s.  The diamond is original to the ring with mine-cut facets set into a low, octagonal basket and flanked by square-cut dark blue sapphires.  The setting is white gold.  My wedding band is also a white gold 1920′s art deco band with mine-cut diamond chips.  I fell in love with it as soon as Tony slipped it onto my finger.

If your wedding was a movie, what would the theme song be?

I’ve been trying to come up with a theme song that isn’t cheesy, but, let’s face it.  I’m totally cheesy, and I’m not remotely musically inclined.  I’m quite certain that Tony would come up with something better, or more fitting for our theme song, but I prefer to stick to our roots (not that this song has anything at all to do with the vintage San Francisco City Hall wedding and house party reception that we’re throwing).  For my fifteenth birthday, my parents gave me a CD player.  It was one of the early ones.  Tony saw it, immediately left my house, and returned 2 hours later with five CDs that I still play all the time.  After our dates, I would lie in bed listening to “Just Like Heaven” over and over and over until I fell asleep.  I did this for years after we broke up, too, and I honestly cannot think of a song that makes me think of Tony more.

________________________________________

Voting continues all week, and ends next Monday, February 14.  Eternal gratitude to any of you who are willing to vote for me.  I will send presents to anyone who votes for me a lot.  (Shameless, I know.)

Advertisement